Jubilant

Today is a good day. I woke up in peace. I woke up in victory. I read in a blog somewhere that if are in peace, you are in victory. I really need to get back on my A game. I have started dressing up a bit more and using more makeup, which automatically makes you feel better if you have a not so good day. I took biotin and calcium today. I’m glad I’m becoming active again. I really need to go to the gym very soon.

Anyway, today I have been reflecting on giving. I have been meditating on this for a few days now. I really want to focus on giving. My Ma always quoted Acts 20:35 when teaching us how to share … “35 In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.” 

Sharing is good. I’ve realized that Acts 20:35 speaks more on just sharing the material. Acts 20:35 states that you must give to those around you. You must give your time, your energy, your kindness. Momma always said “It is better to give than to receive.”

So don’t be discouraged if you give something and don’t receive the same thing you give back. Chances are you never will. On the bright side! The more you give the more of a reward in heaven you get. Don’t be discouraged. Move in faith, move in boldness, and move in victory!

Jerald update:
Jerry will have surgery on Monday. He has gone back home for the weekend and will sleep in his bed, also eat real food, for two days. I was stressing out about that and the fact that I hadn’t spoken to him all day so I called my Ma for words of encouragement. I’m so blessed and privileged to have such a strong prayer warrior and woman in faith as my Momma. She’ll set you straight and tell you what you need to hear. I’m so privledged.. Please keep Jerry’s surgery in your prayers.

Always,

Yanira

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Hard day.

I feel so tired and drained. My legs feel like noodles. My legs feel bruised. Bruised noodles. I haven’t been able to speak to Jerald today. I really wish…

Jerald is staying in Seattle for a bit more. I guess they are looking into a surgery for his headaches, even though the tumor is inoperable.

I just…

I’ll trust you God.

Proverbs 3:5-6
New International Version (NIV)

5 )Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 )in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.[a]

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God, give me your heart

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Here is my cry.

I cry out to you God,  give my your heart. I want a heart for your people. I want a heart for the broken, the lost, the helpless, a heart for the world. I am pushing myself to be bold enough to ask you Jesus, for your heart. From the depths of my soul to the depths of your heart. In church we sing “Give us clean hands, give us pure hearts..” We cry out to you for creating a pure heart within us. (Psalms 51:10) …But I don’t want my fleshfull heart. I want your heart. “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?” -(Jeremiah 17:9) I seek a heart that loves unconditionally, resiliently. I don’t seek to be run my emotions. I seek a heart like yours, Jesus. I want to love even those who push me away. I want to constantly cover those who turn away from me. As you did. As you died for those who did not know you. I want to have a heart for those who don’t know me. That is my cry this morning. That is my cry this year. I want your heart. Change me. Break me. Mold me. Make me yours. Break my heart for the things that break yours.

Continue reading “God, give me your heart”

I saw this picture on Instagram and I just stared at it and reflected on it for a good 5 minutes. I want to be that person that just has it together and has people wondering how the heck I am human, almost a superhero. 

 

But I realized something different…

 

I cannot do anything by my own strength.. Last year people would ask me how I kept it together and I would do the typical thing.. say the right things..like say it is in Gods hands and that I chose to remain positive. No one knew how unhappy I was. No one knew how helpless and angry at God I was. I resented God. I resented myself…I resented God for allowing certain situations to happen. I resented myself for doing something that would make God allow certain things to occur to me. I resented God for punishing me and for my not knowing what I did to anger God. I was so sad, so lonely. I kept it all inside, told no one for the longest time. 

 

But I realized something different…

 
I cannot do anything by my own strength..I need Jesus. I needed a God that saves, heals, delivers, saves. I needed God. I need God. Only he can change me. Only he can save me. Only he can heal my heart, heal my hurt. Only he can heal my boyfriend’s stage 3 brain tumor that is too close to the stem for doctors to touch. Only he can heal Jerry’s hurt heart. Only Jesus can give an unexplainable peace that surpases all understanding. Only Jesus can give a Joy that still allows you to get through your day, week, month, year, life. I got that. it wasn’t easy…
 
It was when I did something different…
 
I grew tired of my prayers to God being confessions of how sad I was. I decided to do something about it. I decided that I was wrong. I need Jesus. I told myself “God is good.” over and over and over again until I began believe it. I forced myself to worship God through my resentment, through my pain. I gave my hurt to God. I asked for forgiveness. I gave him all of me. In exchange I asked God to show himself in my life. I asked him to reveal himself. I told God that I needed him. I needed to see his face. In exchange God showed up and was everything I need. God is so good. He’s so good. He surpasses all understanding. If you give him all of you, and you ask him to show himself, he will. All you need to do is ask and you shall receive. (Matthew 7:7) Be bold enough to serve a bold God. 
 
Today I received a call at church right when the sermon started from my boyfriend. I answered because I know he knows I am at church, I assumed the call would be important. He told me that he would not be able to answer me on the phone as frequently because he is going to Seattle. I took this as an emergency visit to Seattle because his head has been hurting lately and recently he recently found out that the tumor in his head has grown. When I hung up I called my dad and asked for prayer and just stayed in the bathroom trying to compose myself and just spoke to God. When I finished it was already closing time. I went to the altar at the end and asked a two lovely women to pray over my situation. I was so uplifted and have never believed that God can heal like he does to that extent. I just feel a restoration and a trust in God. I know he is in control and he is working. I just cannot see it at the moment, but I feel the grace of God, and the goodness, everywhere I go. God is so good. 
 
 Realize something different…
 
Today I encourage you to ponder on where you are in life.  You are not perfect. You have longings. You have emptiness. It is not your fault. These longings can only be satisfied by God. If you disagree I would just like to sit and have a one way conversation and just listen to what removes all of those issues. I have tried everything. Nothing worked. That is why I tell people that Jesus saved me from myself.
 
Today is a hard day. I am sad. I wish my boyfriend did not have stage 3 brain cancer. I wish I could remove all the hurt he is feeling, physically and emotionally. I wish his family did not have to deal with this. I wish I did not hurt. ..But I know that Matthew 11:28 says “Come to me, all you who are troubled and weighted down with care, and I will give you rest.” Today I chose to rest in the love of Jesus. The one gave his life for me, so I can live, and be saved by grace.
 
Love always, 
 
Yanira Vargas
 

I’m Yanira

I'm Yanira

My Name is Yanira Vargas. I love Jesus. I am a Junior at Washington State University studying Apparel Merchandising & Marketing. I love the color Yellow. I am a middle child of three. My sister Mara (13) and my brother Joser (26). My mom Martha and dad Jose. I was born in Los Angeles California. Raised in Manson, Washington on Lake Chelan. Yes, Seattle-Starbucks-Washington. I have been in a 2 1/2 relationship with Jerald Isenhart, who I love very dearly. He just so happens to have stage 3 brain cancer. Join me as I turn to Jesus and meet my maker.