I’m home

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I’ve been home for the week and it’s been good to just turn my brain off. These past few days have been pretty tough. As write, I contemplate on where I am at. I arrived home last Friday. Saturday, my niece came over and we had a good bonding session. Sunday I went to visit Jerald at the hospital he is staying at. His cousin was so cool and asked if I wanted to tag along with the family. Seeing him was so great. It took him a good five seconds to recognize me, but when he did, he wanted me to stay holding his hand. I missed him so much. He was connected to so many wires. He looked like he had lost a few pounds. He was going in and out and was in so much pain. Still, seeing him and being there was what I needed. We drove back home the same day. Monday I just relaxed and went out to dinner to catch up on life with one of my best friends, Lupita. Tuesday I went over to my brother’s place to hang out with him and my niece. Wednesday I went back to Seattle to visit Jerry. It was a bit harder this time around. Jerald was in so much pain. He did not recognize me till after a while. It was really hard to see him in so much pain. I felt like when I finally did have him, I had to leave.

We spoke for a bit. He told me that he is in so much pain. It is so hard to watch him be in pain, much harder hearing him state the fact that he is in pain. He told me that the tumor has spread within his spinal fluids all the way down his back. After that, there isn’t much more, he said. All I could say was, Jesus has the final say. I didn’t want to leave, he asked me to stay. I just wanted to stay there.

Lately I have been struggling within myself. My prayer has always been for the Lord to have his way, and in my heart it has always been for him to let his will be done. I know God is a good God, and that we must not question his works, for they are marvelous, as his ways. I just feel like spiritually, I am being pushed, to not only have faith, but have hope. Is God not a God of healing? I am so disappointed in myself, for not praying as much for healing. I know that God is a God of healing. Why have I not prayed more for healing? I must trust that God is who he says he is.

So here I am, grasping onto every inch of hope. Knowing that God looks at my heart, and knowing that he is a good God.

Psalms 30:2

1 I will exalt you, Lord,

    for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
2 Lord my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.
3 You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit.

4 Sing the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people;
praise his holy name.
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.

6 When I felt secure, I said,
“I will never be shaken.”
7 Lord, when you favored me,
you made my royal mountain[c] stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
I was dismayed.

8 To you, Lord, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:
9 “What is gained if I am silenced,
if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
10 Hear, Lord, and be merciful to me;
Lord, be my help.”

11 You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
12 that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
Lord my God, I will praise you forever.

Jerald Update: He might go home next week if he continues improving and if his pain diminishes. Please pray for healing over his body, and for the physical pain to go away. He is such a strong fighter, and by the grace of God, he is alive and well. Thank you for your prayers.

35 thoughts on “I’m home

  1. In Jesus Name, Daughter of the Most High God, Take Authority over Sick and Disease that was given to God’s Children the Day Jesus Died on the Cross. It is Written that we have Power of Sickness and Disease, Not matter what the situation looks like in this world, we know our God is not of this world.

  2. Hi, Yanira!
    My name is Katie. I want you to know that I am so incredibly proud of you for looking to God and putting your trust in Him. You are have such a beautiful spirit. I pray healing over Jerald in the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Accepting the will of the Lord can be incredibly difficult. But God is pleased with you for surrendering to His ways and I pray that he fills your heart with comfort, peace, and joy in this difficult time. Psalm 38:14 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Even in your great pain, you have allowed the Holy Spirit to soften your heart. The Lord is near to you. I hope you find all the comfort in the world in Him. Much love to you, and God bless.
    – Katie Torres

  3. Hi Yanira. Thanks for following my blog, Aki and Tom. It’s so hard watching someone you love dearly have to deal with cancer. I joined a ladies only bible study a few months ago called O.P.E.N. It stands for Offer Praise Even Now. It’s definitely been a challenge to stay OPEN during this challenging time but hang in there… God provides.

  4. Having read several posts, I want to say I admire your faith, love of the Lord, & dedication to Jerry. An childhood acquaintance of my wife just died of cancer. His motto was inspiring to me: “God has a plan. Live or die, I win.” http://kuykenstrong.com/. Remnds me of Philippians 1:20-21. The Lord bless you.

  5. I’m heartbroken for the situation you are all in but I’m incredibly blessed by your story and strength. I will keep you and Jerald in my prayers. And know that God has you in His hands. Keep on praying for His will to be done and have faith that everything will be ok. If you have hope that his condition will improve, hold onto that hope, and consider it done in His son’s name, Jesus the Christ. If you believe you have received it, it will be done.

  6. My dear, please don’t be so harsh on yourself. I hear you lament that you’re not praying for hope, but may I remind you of what Jesus said: mercy, not sacrifice. I do think that your presence with Jerald is prayer enough – prayer embodied, if you will, by your visits, by your faithfulness. My heart goes out to you.

  7. mar

    Hi Yanira, i am so amazed with your love to Jerald and your faith to God. Nothing is impossible in Him. Your faith can definitely save Jerald. These readings came across my mind as i prayed for you : Mat 8: 5 – 13, Mat 9 :1-8, Mat 9: 18-26. Look at how one’s faith can save other’s lives.. Keep your faith Yanira, keep trusting and keep hoping in Jesus, do your best to Jerald and at the same time, surrender to Him, let His will be done. God bless you both!

  8. Hello Yanira. Thanks for following my blog as well, and for this clearly heart-felt post. I know for me sometimes sitting and writing out my thoughts and feelings as you have done here can be very helpful. It’s sure nice to have the help and thoughts of others too.

    All I can add is just to remind you that you are never, ever alone, as you clearly already know from your words here, nor is Jerald. Sometimes it’s helpful to get reminders of that beautiful truth. And you both are Loved far beyond all words.

    Bless you both and keep shining your light.

    Patrick

  9. It’s easy to have faith when everything is going our way. It’s harder, but far more important to have faith when things aren’t going our way. I once read… “When trouble comes we cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate God’s omnipotence”… & that’s exactly what you are doing. Your faith & courage, especially under the circumstances, are awe inspiring! Thank you for sharing this with all of us! Thoughts & prayers to you both… today & always! Have a great day Yanira!

  10. What a lovely and heartbreaking post at the same time. You and yours will be in my prayers, am putting you on my prayer list as soon as I get through writing this. Do not be ashamed of “not praying often enough for healing.” I want to offer you a prayer I say many times a day. “Jesus, Healer.” That is it. Just the name of Jesus is a prayer in and of itself, and He is our “healer.” You can do it anywhere, under your breath at any time. May the love of God be with you all. God Bless, SR

  11. So sorry, for the heartache, pain and grief yoy sre experiencing God is good, all the time, even amidst the tragedies of life. His ways are not always ours, I pray for your love…….and you.

    The psalms are a great place to graple with God…..,. Find a lamenting psalm and grieve this struggle with God the way King David did. Faith involves questioning God…..he will answer if we dialogue with Him. And trust always, in these tough times, that He is with you grieving too! As with Martha and Mary…..the God of the universe, “Jesus wept.”

  12. So sorry, for the heartache, pain and grief you are experiencing God is good, all the time, even amidst the tragedies of life. His ways are not always ours, I pray for your love…….and you.

    The psalms are a great place to graple with God…..,. Find a lamenting psalm and grieve this struggle with God the way King David did. Faith involves questioning God…..he will answer if we dialogue with Him. And trust always, in these tough times, that He is with you grieving too! As with Martha and Mary…..the God of the universe, “Jesus wept.”

  13. I’m so glad you stopped by my blog so I could be aware of your situation. I’m so sorry that you are going through such a difficult situation. Your faith and love for your boyfriend are inspiring and a real testimony to the greatness of our Lord.

    Jesus, I lift this couple and their families to you. You are the healer and redeemer of our lives. Please hold them and speak to their hearts with peace and comfort so that they may stand firm in you regardless of their circumstances. Please strengthen and encourage them as they look to you. Let these days be precious to them in every way as you continue to build their faith and testimony. I pray you cover them when they are scared and hurting and tired of the fight. I ask you to uphold them with your righteous right hand. You are good and everything you do is to bless us in some way, even those we can’t see in the present. Thank you for the wonderful love and devotion you have blessed this couple with. Thank you that you are by their side. Please be everything they need.We ask for your will, Lord. Amen.

  14.  Dear Friend, I’m a recent follower. I followed you back after you visited my blog on wordpress. I love your blogs they are warm, heartfelt, raw and filled with light!   Today as I read your blog; I’m home I thought of you and your boyfriend Jerald and stopped to pray for you both.  Perhaps don’r fret too much about the ways you have not prayed up to this point, when you lookback at all of this you will see that prayer is Holy Spirit driven and led and He helps us pray jsutthe way we need to at the time. May God bless your and Jerald’s journey!   Sister Anna Intercesory Community http://www.DailyPrayerBlog@wordpress.com http://www.thecreativeprayer@wordpress.com     

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