Let’s talk about depression.


Today was one of those days where I just decided that I was not going to be depressed. I learned that there is a significant difference between being able to meditate completely on the fact that you are unhappy, and letting unhappiness consume you. As a person that can testify, I gotta get passed this. I must be strong, for Jerry, for his family, and for myself.


I made two lists of things I will allow myself to do:

I will…

-Remain positive (speak life and light into darkness)

-Trust that Jesus loves us so much

-Remember to pray over Jerry’s family every time I think of them (I tend to forget, since they stay in my thoughts)

-Push past the fact that my boyfriend and I are not like regular couples

-Ordain my steps…(Trust that my steps are ordered and follow Gods will, Psalm 37:23)

-Cry… A LOT (I don’t like crying when it comes to my self… it’s not that I don’t feel: most of my crying is empathetic..I want a heart that feels for people..it’s not that I am not afraid to be vulnerable..I just don’t see a need to cry over myself most of the time, I learned that it doesn’t matter what I think, sometimes crying is needed. In quiet times with Jesus, this is where I am within his peace and comfortable enough to be completely raw and broken waiting for repair)


I will NOT…

-Question God (even though I don’t consider myself half as strong of a person to be dealing with the issue I am dealing with, I must trust that God formed me in my mothers womb, knew me, and created a plan for me. Psalm 139:13)

-Emotional eat (because comfort foods turn to not feeling comfortable in your clothes, 50 lbs. later..)

-Give up or give in (I was not created to be defeated and I am more than a conqueror in Jesus Christ. Romans 8:37)

-Do pitty parties. (beating myself up will only make it worse)


Special message: If you struggle with depression, as I have in the past, you are not alone. It doesn’t matter what you are going through. You could be depressed because you have had 1-100 deaths or sicknesses in your family, you could even be depressed and not even know why. Just know one thing, you should stop beating yourself up even more and making your situation worse by how disappointed in yourself you are. Know that everyone has gone through pain. It does not matter how rich or poor, socially attractive or unattractive, popular or shy, spontaneous or uncanny. Every one has experienced sadness. You must not let sadness consume you. Statistics say many things. I was so surprised by the large quantities of people that are depressed and actually use medication for it. My heart aches. Some of us are not as strong as others, and that is okay. If we are not as strong at handling situations, it is still okay, because Jesus loves us just as much. God created us all differently, and it is okay if you see other people doing better and being happier. If you feel weaker, just remember that the same God that created them created you, and fell in love with you just the same. We are privileged, to have a God that loves us so much, and gives when we ask. It is okay if you cannot go through a certain situation. This is where you ask God to give you a supernatural strength only he can give, that gets you through. If you feel like you are losing the power of happiness just remember that you don’t need to fight battles alone, the battle is not yours alone, but Gods. (2 Chronicles 20:15). My best friend Stephanie said it best when she posted an Instragram photo that says: “You were never created to live depressed, defeated, guilty, condemned, ashamed, or unworthy. You were created to be victorious.”


Jerald’s update: I don’t know much. He’s such a strong fighter. I can’t think of anyone stronger. I spoke to my friend Angelica today about this situation. She said that, truly, things like these happen to good people. Jerry is the kindest and most thoughtful person I’ve ever met. This is not said just because he is my boyfriend. I’ve known him all my life. His thoughtfulness and empathetic ability has always been there. He is truly a gift from God. I know that God created Jerry as an overcomer, I have never known anyone so strong, and even when I question whether I am strong enough to deal with this situation, I know he is more than a conqueror in Jesus. Nothing is known yet, all is in God’s hands. Please pray over his family as they have paused everything they are doing to focus on his health (school, work). They need God given strength, peace, and joy in the midst of this very dark situation. Thank you for your prayers.


27 thoughts on “Let’s talk about depression.

  1. Be encouraged! No matter what… Pastor spoke a word on Sunday: Sometimes you have to face the difficult times God will allow that in your life. God sees the big picture in our lives and allow contaminated things in the small picture. But it all works for your GOOD. 🙂

  2. Thank you for visiting my blog. Your message here to those that suffer from depression struck a cord in me. I have battled it on and off throughout my life, and have, for the most part learned how to overcome it. However, I recently lost my Dad to cancer, and have taken a few steps backwards. I have to remember to be kind to myself, and to let myself feel sadness and grief and to not view it as a weakness or a fault. Prayers and healing thoughts to you and your boyfriend.

  3. Everyone with any feeling experiences depression at some time in this life. It is these times that we either draw closer to God, or we move away. Praise Him that He is holding you close to Himself, through His Word and His Spirit. The Lord bless you as you continue to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is upholding you, Jerald, and his family by “the word of His power” through this difficult time.
    I’m glad that you were able to visit with them and your family.
    Our prayers are being lifted up for all of you.
    In Christ ~ Mrs. Fran

  4. Thank you so much for following me at Inkpadblog.com. Without your follow, I may not have found you. Just know that you now have one more prayer warrior on your side who has a community of other warriors who have your back. In your darkest moments, remember Jeremiah 29:11-13. May His peace be with you.

  5. Hey Yanira,

    I’ve always believed that when we are ‘silent’ within our self the voice that we hear like an intuitive whisper as silent as the beat of a Butterfly’s wings emanates from the mouth of God. In this way we are each guided, as all souls are guided, by the word of a higher authority speaking to us. And so it was that I was drawn to your site to rest a while alongside your beautiful soul. Here amongst the hurt and pain that seems to wrap itself around your every word remains an unwavering faith and a solid belief in the manner of all things. And that in itself is a truly glorious and wonderful thing: your unfaltering and steadfast conviction is the steely mast upon which your faith in life is certainly now hung. I am deeply sorry for your moving plight.

    Perhaps you might find a further affirmation of the strength already inside of you by considering the meaning of your name. As a new born, your name was never given freely, but also came as a blessing when the hand of God touched your infant’s brow and proclaimed you the greatest miracle in the world. From around the world, in Spanish, in Hebrew, in English, the common denotation of Yanira is the phrase ‘He answers’. I therefore have no doubt at all that your prayers are being heard at this deeply troubling and regrettable time.

    So why do I linger here on your site for a while? It is to give you a message. I will pray for Jerry, and for your plight, and trust that the Love of God will prevail in providing him with a deeper sense of understanding as to God’s larger purpose for his existence in this world, and that it will be God’s Peace that will ultimately deliver Jerry back into the fold. Take solace in the notion that neither of you are walking your path alone. God has always walked with you. Love has always walked with you, and there is a web of life connecting the souls of all mankind in the world outside your door that feels what you feel and now also prays at your side.

    I stay a little longer on your site Yanira to view a snapshot of your world, to glimpse momentarily behind your lifting veil, and to extend my posting further. Perhaps I do this because you stand waiting at a crossroads in your life: but equally, perhaps I stay to appreciate the honesty with which you write, and to admire the way you present yourself to your reader. You express yourself with the utmost sincerity and honest intention, and there is a pleasure in reading such a feeling and sensuous commentary. It readily suggests at the true nature of who you are and the beauty in your soul. You should trust more in such a gift for it defines you more expressively than you realise. Within your words lays the totality of who you are: the expectations, intentions, hopes and dreams you have in moving forwards in life, together with your fears, doubts and uncertainties of the world you are living within. It is evident to me how much you care about life, how you strive to invest energy in all that you do, and ultimately how easy it is for someone like me to see the truth of you in the passion you have to become more than who and what you are. It is like a breath of fresh air to come upon an individual with such a depth of integrity about them when there are many in life that couldn’t be so sincere or honest even with themselves about their motivations, intentions and goals. It would certainly seem that you have Faith, Hope, and Love already in your heart, and also the motivation and reason to continue to achieve all three.

    Your message here to those that suffer from depression is beautifully written and really needs nothing further to be added to it. But you know, there are many ways of looking at depression, because there are many facets to it in the first place: evermore so when one is given to carrying the overwhelming weight of a heavy cross during long periods in their lives. Yet to the greater extent, those who endure it and/or battle through it find their own way to learn to live with it and some even come to accept it as a vehicle to inspires change and incite an inner transformation. If one regards depression not as a direct confrontation with the darker aspects of the soul, but as a mechanism that destroys darker aspects of the soul, then upon reaching for the light one is somehow left feeling slightly altered and a little more refined by the experience. For want of a better analogy I’ll reference the Artist. The Artist is a unique human being equipped with the mental apparatus already in place to ‘remove’ themselves from reality and in the process view the world in a very different way to those around them. This removal may be regarded as ‘psychological detachment’, whereby they dislocate their mind from the normal everyday (sensuous) experience of life and consider the world around them by intuition alone, there is no rational functioning, but more a higher level functioning of acute awareness. They open themselves up to be channels for the experience of a split second in time to flow, simultaneously experiencing the totality of any given moment, and at once in awe and in fear of engagement with the world. What they record in their witnessing of life is then internalised, and it is in to this mysterious realm unresolved by determinism that they then descend searching through perpetual darkness in search of the one seed of enlightenment and truth that is sufficiently substantial to express the full magnitude of the moment as seen in reality. It is not a search conducted in light but one made in utter darkness, and that necessitates a constant and overwhelmingly direct confrontation with all aspects of one’s human nature including fears, doubts, uncertainties, illusions, delusions, lies, deceits, despairs, and always unbounded ugliness and derision. Being a depository for a myriad of sensuously derived and unresolved input, the unconscious can be a frightening place to dwell. But the Artist is impelled to stay immersed in the darkness until the one seed of light that constitutes the right form of expression is found. Sometimes this takes an hour, sometimes months, and sometimes years. During this time the individual is permanently affected by their absorption and sometimes to the point where everyday functioning is repressed and their energies fully directed unconsciously inwards, and for all intents-and-purposes their outward demeanour and affected behaviour is seen as depression. Depression is not dissimilar to this unconscious artistic act, both are a deliberation and cogitation on deeply felt and experienced emotions derived from sensuous input and unresolved in the darkened mind. An Artist is a visual poet, and like a Poet confronts the raw nature of life, for in so doing it permits the raw nature of experiential life to paint the canvas and express the vacuity of the void from which the mystery was derived. I would urge everyone with depression to pick up either a pen or a pencil and simply begin to make marks on a piece of paper, it is the singularly most revealing act of naked expression one has at their disposal, but it takes supreme honesty, absolute integrity and open communion with God.

    There are times of course when even an Artist finds it difficult to return to ‘normality’ after having engaged with the darkness in mind, when even a Spiritual man like he, already predisposed to being a channel for God’s voice, just cannot see a way out. There are times when the seed of light that is found is just not bright enough to illuminate the path back home, and another way has to be found. And so it was that a very good friend of mine introduced me to a book that helped change my life. At the age I am, it was difficult to believe that such a phenomenon was possible…that a book would offer any suitable reward when so many others had found their pages already dog-eared but turned without success.

    The book in question is called The Snow Leopard by Peter Matthiessen. I make no promises as to its potency in the structures of one’s own life, or the part it might play if any in someone’s ‘healing’, all I suggest is that it became the turning point in my life. It reads as a spiritual quest, although it was written by a Naturalist, and describes a journey he takes through the Himalayas in search of a legendary outpost of civilisation called Shey Monastery, which stands on the side of Crystal Mountain. The elevated pristine white wilderness within which Shey is set is truly breath-taking, indescribably beautiful and unsurpassed in its magnificence, and if one lets their mind dream, it can become so much more. It is a true story, an eloquently told epiphany that reads more like a private journal but which has the power to immerse the reader deeper and deeper into an unfathomable and wondrously undefiled, homogenised and pristine white landscape of primordial beauty. It is the only book that has ever captivated my imagination so beautifully that during the week of its reading, I did not once leave the serenity and wonder of the Himalayan wilderness in search of gratification and pleasure outside of my door. At times it even felt like I had always belonged there and had truly journeyed home and back in time to the beginning of the world when not one footprint of man left a mark on the Earth. I was engrossed in this wilderness, revelled in its purity, and came very quickly to associate such a landscape with the innocent state in which I was born.

    I’ll not deliberate further on the story, but simply impress upon you the value to be found in its reading. I have taken a part of this wonderful story to consider at length in a posting on my blog under the heading From Out of this World. It’s a synopsis of the Snow Leopard written for my own pleasure in an attempt to understand myself just a little more. I hope you will find it enjoyable:


    Several very enjoyable and immensely insightful readings of the Snow Leopard offered me an imaginative Tao to break away from a circle of dependency and familiarity with a habitual approach to life for just long enough to find an alternative method to escape the clutches of depression, and establish a new pattern of thinking that could eliminate the discomfort, the fear, the pain, the wraith of the black-stuff sufficiently so that if I entered that if ever I entered that blackened realm and couldn’t get out, I knew that Shey Monastery would be waiting in there as a refuge. Such is the power of a book’s words to ignite the imagination and impress the mind with immense beauty and splendour that the visual imagery it carves stays within for a lifetime. And there are many books out there that carry us to other destinations which we could come to regard as Sanctuary. I hope you will at least give the book a read, and who knows what you might find for yourself at Shey during moments of doubt and uncertainty that lead you from your path.

    Yanira, thank you for giving me a platform by which to impart a private message to you and Jerry, and for listening to my ramble. As a brother and sister sharing a life on this world, you are both in my heart at this time, and with all sincerity I will pray and hope for resolution to your troubles and your pain. Stay strong and always shine on 🙂


    DN – 29/03/14

  6. Thank you for following my blog. I’ll follow yours as well. Here’s a recent post I wrote that I think will speak some truth to you and the situation you’re in… http://wp.me/p2UY1e-bd God bless you and keep checking in. He certainly is at work and every situation can be used for good (not necessarily enjoyment).

  7. mywalkwithjehovah

    I came across your blog and after reading your ‘about’ header I knew I had to read on. You are extremely strong and I pray in Jesus’ name that you will continue to have the strength to support your boyfriend at such a time as this. Meditate on Philippians 4:6, that scripture has been extremely helpful during some of my hard times. You truly are a daughter of God and I just pray that you will be able to stay strong and that at the same time have someone who you can also lean on. Jesus truly loves you x

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  9. I like this! You have dealt with a very tough subject in a really good way! You’ve got a strong mind and a good heart full of faith in a living and powerful God. God bless you and Jerald!

  10. I just stumbled across your whole story and I am almost in tears… You have such strength and such optimism.. This post alone has blessed my life immensely. Your special message was exactly what I needed to hear, and I’ll be sharing that same message with those close to me. You are much stronger than you know.

    Whenever I walk through deep trials in my life, I find comfort through this video called “Mountains to Climb.” (http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages/topics/adversity?v=2176618422001) I know that your faith in the Lord Jesus Christ will help you have the power to endure and overcome even the hardest trials in life. I know with all my heart that you will get to be with Jerald again!

    God bless, dear one! You are in my prayers!

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