-My Diagnosis-

I got diagnosed with Arithromania OCD a while back. I grew up knowing something felt off. I’ve always had ticks & anxious patterns, but I never accepted that part of myself. COVID shut down made health a priority & I started therapy to unpack. I made some amazing breakthroughs. The irony is.. my love of numbers and categorization was the very reason I hated Algebra & it’s placements. I’d scoff. I grew up thinking I lacked, I grew up so frustrated at myself. Thoughts isolated in shame..trying my best to hide how I had to repeat a word until it felt perfect…perfect. How I can’t physically clean unless I count the items…trying my best to relax. Just relax. Staying up super late wrestling with self loathing caused by a caught intrusive thought. Not being able to sleep because I tried to not do a ritual like use the restroom three times, at the end of the day. I grew up in a culture that glorified praying it all away. I learned I never felt fully accepted by anyone because I didn’t accept myself. My actions reflected incomprehension for so long.. how could I even be loved by anyone fully..? if I could not accept myself-at that.

…till now.

& to the believers wondering… I still believe I am being pursued and infinitely loved by the force who knew me and created me still.


One thought on “-My Diagnosis-

  1. I am so thrilled you are back on WordPress. I looked you up a few months back after I was gone awhile but saw that you weren’t on anymore.
    Hold tight to the Lord. Each day He is at work in you and will use you, His precious creation, just the way He created you to be for His glory. There is a reason for every purpose under heaven. Trust in Him. Lean on Him and He will take take you places you’ve never been before and see His glory like you can’t even imagine. There is someone, if not many someones, somewhere who will benefit from your trials. To God be the glory!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s