Annnnd I’m done!

Prayer….

Good news: I’ve officially checked out for the week: of my worry and stress. I just finished taking the last of my four midterms for this week. I did move out, and all but a few items that I have are in my new place.

Bad news: Jerald’s tumor has increased and gone over to his spine, all while being inoperable. He called me yesterday with the news. It was devastating… We spoke for a bit, we talked later that night, he’s so strong. When I first heard the news, after hanging up of course, I did a good cry. One good cry, then I asked my friends to pray with me. It was great. Prayer is so powerful. It’s so crazy how we forget to how powerful prayer is when we disregard prayer by getting too lazy and too comfortable with conformity. Imagine how much greater your life would be if you just took just five more minutes of prayer out of your day everyday.

Besides the fact that I have a huge zit on my cheek..my goal is to give my worries to the Lord, and not portray any stress.

God is still good, God is still God.

Jerald Update/Post Surgery update: He will be in Seattle till Monday. He has a significant amount of pain gone. …still has the occasional trembling, but takes medicine and it has diminished. Please keep Jerry and his family in your prayers. Please pray for his happiness and well being. Also, if you could, please pray for me, that God gives me the strength. Oh! Please pray for my wonderful support system, pray that my friends and family be oh so blessed as they are such an abundant blessing to my soul.

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A Heart For Missions

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Lately my cry has been for a heart like Jesus; a heart for everyone. Sometimes we get too involved with ourselves and our daily schedule and routine, we just forget about others. Since I have been born and raised in church It is so weird to me that I have not gone on a missions trip.

My heart for missions was basically instilled by the parentals. My parents have such a heart for missions and always remind me about local missions being just as important as those that are more far away. They always serve those around them and always tell me that they serve because someone served them. They tell me that they spread the good news because someone spread the good news to them. My dad has such a heart that in a few cases has let a few homeless families stay at our home. My ma always tells me she wants to send me as a missionary to Africa and jokes about me getting eaten by lions.

Sometimes I wonder why I don’t get as involved as my parents. This is something that I need to work on. I have always felt like I don’t give enough as my parents do. They just serve endlessly and never get tired. Instead of beating myself up about it I decided to do work. My freshman year I decided I wanted to go on a missions trip with my campus church, but I was horrid at saving money. Sophomore year I felt like I couldn’t travel because of Jerald’s situation. After praying for a while I feel like it’s my time to go. Haiti was a hot thing at my church for missions, and even though I would had loved to go with my campus youth, I felt like I was being called more to Ecuador (a medical missions trip). I met up with my campus church missions pastor CJ and just spoke about my heart for missions. He shared his heart and the church’s heart. At the moment I’m praying and setting a goal for Ecuador 2015. I am so excited with what Gods doing in me and with where he is taking me. I must always remember Serving others is serving God.

[Acts 13:47]”For so the Lord has commanded us, saying, “I have made you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth.””

Jerald Update: His surgery went well yesterday. I had two missed calls from his mom, called back and spoke to him. It just melted my heart how  after his surgery he was so tired and still called me. I’m so happy. He’ll be in Seattle recovering, and home by the time I’ll be home for spring break.

Trust: Even When I Cannot see

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I failed today. I won’t go into detail but I let my flesh win. I need to learn to trust with not a single inch of doubt, working on it. I’m extremely overwhelmed with this week and have four tests this week. I move out this week in two days. Jerald had surgery for this pain. The surgery went well. He is still in immense pain. Sometimes I wish that I was in the situation he was, that way I could remove every single amount of pain that he has to deal with, then I remember that I must not question God and all of his will and works. Sometimes I just cannot stand it. Sometimes that is all I think about.

I started this day out praying over today with my friends Namita and Ariel. Before my class I saw my friend Liliana at the bus stop. We prayed over Jerry’s surgery. I know many bible studys and care groups in my campus church have prayed over me and Jerald. I am so fortunate to have such caring and thoughtful friends that are truly a gift from above.

My prayer:

Thank you for keeping Jerald safe and being there in the surgery room. Please be there for him in this difficult time. Prepare him and show him what your plan is. Work in him. Pour out an unexplainable amount of love wherever he his. Remove his loneliness and discouragement. Jesus, do not let me get discouraged. Teach me how to pray. Show me real love. Show me how to love and trust with all of me, selflessly, shamelessly…Forgive me. Never leave me. Give me grace. Give me kindess. Mend my heart. Help me walk by faith.

Jerry Update: Jerry will stay in Seattle for a couple more days to heal. He is still a bit sore from the surgery, but fully there. Please keep him in your prayers.

Should Christians Drink Alcohol? Living right and In ministry

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Don’t these glasses look absolutely beautiful?

So here I am with my friend Geneva in her dorm room discussing an article that our friend posted on Facebook.
here’s the link: http://laurelmariekells.wordpress.com/2014/02/27/response-should-christians-drink-alcohol/

We were speaking about the impact the article had on us. After reading the article I felt like maybe I have been thinking differently. Since then I have been strongly praying and asking God to change me and my mindset if possible, as I was raised around no alcohol. I was ecstatic when I found out that the article had the same impact on Geneva. Here is my issue. Since reading the article I feel the same. After speaking over the article and how we sought God out in result of it, we had one conclusion: Conviction. At the end of the day, you are accountable for yourself and your doings. We just feel a significant conviction.

I do not wish to attack the article. You can read it yourself, form an inference, in a sense. I will say that the article has no biblical references, just opinion, which leaves me distraught. This is just her opinion, which is self centered and a lot of stuff in the article is solely her opinion. (4 stanza statements of I believe..) In fact, a lot of stuff in the article are actually very non-bibical.

Here are a few things from the blog that I just wanted to clear out.

-there’s no such thing as a powerful person, but someone powerful in God 

-you are called to separate yourself from sin, and that is that.

Where I stand (IN THE WORD):

Leviticus 10:9 states: “You and your sons are not to drink wine or other fermented drink whenever you go into the tent of meeting, or you will die. This is a lasting ordinance for the generations to come..” Call this verse ancient and say that a lot of stuff in Leviticus is too absurd to use in context. So why do we even keep Leviticus in the bible then? Just to whip it out for inspirational use? We might as well remove it.. I know that Leviticus is in the bible for a reason. It’s God’s unshaken word. I know that God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  Leviticus 10:8:-11: “Then the Lord said to Aaron, 9 “You and your sons are not to drink wine or other fermented drink whenever you go into the tent of meeting, or you will die. This is a lasting ordinance for the generations to come, 10 so that you can distinguish between the holy and the common, between the unclean and the clean, 11 and so you can teach the Israelites all the decrees the Lord has given them through Moses.” ..We are descendants. God calls us to be set apart, and by be apart I mean from those who don’t know him.

If you believe that alcohol is not wrong, then I respect you. All we can do is pray for conviction and be led by the spirit. As far as Alcohol (as it is not my place anyway, but If you were interested): I will never condemn, but I will never condone.  

Jerry update: Please pray for Jerry. He has been basically bedridden from the pain. I’m praying for healing.

Jubilant

Today is a good day. I woke up in peace. I woke up in victory. I read in a blog somewhere that if are in peace, you are in victory. I really need to get back on my A game. I have started dressing up a bit more and using more makeup, which automatically makes you feel better if you have a not so good day. I took biotin and calcium today. I’m glad I’m becoming active again. I really need to go to the gym very soon.

Anyway, today I have been reflecting on giving. I have been meditating on this for a few days now. I really want to focus on giving. My Ma always quoted Acts 20:35 when teaching us how to share … “35 In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.” 

Sharing is good. I’ve realized that Acts 20:35 speaks more on just sharing the material. Acts 20:35 states that you must give to those around you. You must give your time, your energy, your kindness. Momma always said “It is better to give than to receive.”

So don’t be discouraged if you give something and don’t receive the same thing you give back. Chances are you never will. On the bright side! The more you give the more of a reward in heaven you get. Don’t be discouraged. Move in faith, move in boldness, and move in victory!

Jerald update:
Jerry will have surgery on Monday. He has gone back home for the weekend and will sleep in his bed, also eat real food, for two days. I was stressing out about that and the fact that I hadn’t spoken to him all day so I called my Ma for words of encouragement. I’m so blessed and privileged to have such a strong prayer warrior and woman in faith as my Momma. She’ll set you straight and tell you what you need to hear. I’m so privledged.. Please keep Jerry’s surgery in your prayers.

Always,

Yanira

Hard day.

I feel so tired and drained. My legs feel like noodles. My legs feel bruised. Bruised noodles. I haven’t been able to speak to Jerald today. I really wish…

Jerald is staying in Seattle for a bit more. I guess they are looking into a surgery for his headaches, even though the tumor is inoperable.

I just…

I’ll trust you God.

Proverbs 3:5-6
New International Version (NIV)

5 )Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 )in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.[a]

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God, give me your heart

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Here is my cry.

I cry out to you God,  give my your heart. I want a heart for your people. I want a heart for the broken, the lost, the helpless, a heart for the world. I am pushing myself to be bold enough to ask you Jesus, for your heart. From the depths of my soul to the depths of your heart. In church we sing “Give us clean hands, give us pure hearts..” We cry out to you for creating a pure heart within us. (Psalms 51:10) …But I don’t want my fleshfull heart. I want your heart. “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?” -(Jeremiah 17:9) I seek a heart that loves unconditionally, resiliently. I don’t seek to be run my emotions. I seek a heart like yours, Jesus. I want to love even those who push me away. I want to constantly cover those who turn away from me. As you did. As you died for those who did not know you. I want to have a heart for those who don’t know me. That is my cry this morning. That is my cry this year. I want your heart. Change me. Break me. Mold me. Make me yours. Break my heart for the things that break yours.

Continue reading “God, give me your heart”

I saw this picture on Instagram and I just stared at it and reflected on it for a good 5 minutes. I want to be that person that just has it together and has people wondering how the heck I am human, almost a superhero. 

 

But I realized something different…

 

I cannot do anything by my own strength.. Last year people would ask me how I kept it together and I would do the typical thing.. say the right things..like say it is in Gods hands and that I chose to remain positive. No one knew how unhappy I was. No one knew how helpless and angry at God I was. I resented God. I resented myself…I resented God for allowing certain situations to happen. I resented myself for doing something that would make God allow certain things to occur to me. I resented God for punishing me and for my not knowing what I did to anger God. I was so sad, so lonely. I kept it all inside, told no one for the longest time. 

 

But I realized something different…

 
I cannot do anything by my own strength..I need Jesus. I needed a God that saves, heals, delivers, saves. I needed God. I need God. Only he can change me. Only he can save me. Only he can heal my heart, heal my hurt. Only he can heal my boyfriend’s stage 3 brain tumor that is too close to the stem for doctors to touch. Only he can heal Jerry’s hurt heart. Only Jesus can give an unexplainable peace that surpases all understanding. Only Jesus can give a Joy that still allows you to get through your day, week, month, year, life. I got that. it wasn’t easy…
 
It was when I did something different…
 
I grew tired of my prayers to God being confessions of how sad I was. I decided to do something about it. I decided that I was wrong. I need Jesus. I told myself “God is good.” over and over and over again until I began believe it. I forced myself to worship God through my resentment, through my pain. I gave my hurt to God. I asked for forgiveness. I gave him all of me. In exchange I asked God to show himself in my life. I asked him to reveal himself. I told God that I needed him. I needed to see his face. In exchange God showed up and was everything I need. God is so good. He’s so good. He surpasses all understanding. If you give him all of you, and you ask him to show himself, he will. All you need to do is ask and you shall receive. (Matthew 7:7) Be bold enough to serve a bold God. 
 
Today I received a call at church right when the sermon started from my boyfriend. I answered because I know he knows I am at church, I assumed the call would be important. He told me that he would not be able to answer me on the phone as frequently because he is going to Seattle. I took this as an emergency visit to Seattle because his head has been hurting lately and recently he recently found out that the tumor in his head has grown. When I hung up I called my dad and asked for prayer and just stayed in the bathroom trying to compose myself and just spoke to God. When I finished it was already closing time. I went to the altar at the end and asked a two lovely women to pray over my situation. I was so uplifted and have never believed that God can heal like he does to that extent. I just feel a restoration and a trust in God. I know he is in control and he is working. I just cannot see it at the moment, but I feel the grace of God, and the goodness, everywhere I go. God is so good. 
 
 Realize something different…
 
Today I encourage you to ponder on where you are in life.  You are not perfect. You have longings. You have emptiness. It is not your fault. These longings can only be satisfied by God. If you disagree I would just like to sit and have a one way conversation and just listen to what removes all of those issues. I have tried everything. Nothing worked. That is why I tell people that Jesus saved me from myself.
 
Today is a hard day. I am sad. I wish my boyfriend did not have stage 3 brain cancer. I wish I could remove all the hurt he is feeling, physically and emotionally. I wish his family did not have to deal with this. I wish I did not hurt. ..But I know that Matthew 11:28 says “Come to me, all you who are troubled and weighted down with care, and I will give you rest.” Today I chose to rest in the love of Jesus. The one gave his life for me, so I can live, and be saved by grace.
 
Love always, 
 
Yanira Vargas
 

I’m Yanira

I'm Yanira

My Name is Yanira Vargas. I love Jesus. I am a Junior at Washington State University studying Apparel Merchandising & Marketing. I love the color Yellow. I am a middle child of three. My sister Mara (13) and my brother Joser (26). My mom Martha and dad Jose. I was born in Los Angeles California. Raised in Manson, Washington on Lake Chelan. Yes, Seattle-Starbucks-Washington. I have been in a 2 1/2 relationship with Jerald Isenhart, who I love very dearly. He just so happens to have stage 3 brain cancer. Join me as I turn to Jesus and meet my maker.